I have a deep loathing towards the rest of this town

by J Sutton

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about

A labor of love produced over eight months from January to August, I Have a Deep Loathing Towards the Rest of This Town is the second studio album by J Sutton and her first double album to date. Multiple genres are strung together in every way possible, with sounds of krautrock, post-rock, and lo-fi indie pop being among many others, and the songs are quite long too, with the average length of a track being over 5 minutes.

Enjoy listening, and please feel free to buy it! -J

credits

released August 4, 2017

Jess Sutton - vocals, piano, electronics, production, composition

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license

all rights reserved

about

Patent Enterprise, Alabama

J Sutton is Patent, a music project of lo-fi, post-rock, and emo tendencies that hails from Alabama.

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Contact Patent

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Track Name: Disco Catches Fire and Dies
I find all words useless
like yours and yours and always mine
they only bridge the gap of language
let's convert each other to nonbinary
I know it's scary
but we can make the change if we try.

In the Dollar General where I grew up
I could look at the wall and see the mirrors
pointing up towards the lightbulbs
and the only thing to think, this is seering
the lights in the mirror kept going on
and they went on and on forevermore
when they tore it down I found it a bore
and I went back home off 84.

I find all lyrics meaningless
like all the ones I've sang all this time
they go on for infinity along the Vegas strip
and they only serve to be faggots
let's sing about sad shit
that's the only way for voices to be heard.

In the Dollar General where I grew up
I wondered if they would put me in asylum
at the angle of the mirrors and my broken thoughts
I couldn't see myself or the tiling
I could be smiling forever but I can't go on
while they went on forevermore
when they tore it down I saw it a bore
and I went back home via interstate 84.

Back to the interstate
no more sudden change.
Track Name: Queer and Inhuman
Go back to sleep
I'll feel better in the morning
what was there was in a coma
people cannot stay the same
the chemicals make all of life dull.

To the blade, I'll sober
the experiment is over.

Go back to bed
I'll heal you with kisses come morning
the babes undressed are in comas
but the light cannot stay the same
babes can consult for your passing fears.

We're queer and inhuman
we're clearly tumors.

Where's the sun, why did it go away
come round, come back but I cannot stay
am I in control, is it my blade after all
maybe life was always quite numb and dull.

I'll find the bed inside my head
I'll find the bed inside my head.
I'll take what's mine
I'll find the bed inside my head.

Let's start over and begin again
what's the meaning of making amends
we're still children all the same
this is how I want to spend the rest of my days.

My fingers can't count up to ten
but I hate having more than one
maybe I'll never see you again
but don't you say that it was fun
tell that to our depression.
Track Name: Those Nicknamed Hypocrite
I'm gonna fall out of love with you
it was decided long ago
when I met you and fell instantly
I didn't think to look out below.

Please don't leave me behind
please don't leave me behind
please don't, please don't
I might leave you behind
please don't, please don't
I might leave you behind.

I don't think you have left me
with a reason to continue on
my hair is covered with cotton
it's time for me to disown my son.

Maybe you're not here
maybe I'm not queer.

I don't think you have left me
with a reason to continue on
my hair is covered with cotton
it's time for me to disown my son.

Let me call you dear
let me feed you lies
I just wanna live out my fantasies
of being a child and compromise
all my secrets are yours to keep
all your secrets are mine to sleep
on a bed constructed of fabric
on a bed in the deep deep sea.

I don't think you have left me
with a reason to continue on
my hair is covered with cotton
it's time for me to disown my son.

Maybe you're not here
maybe I'll disappear.

Maybe you're not here - I'll just call you dear
maybe I'm not here - to call your names
maybe you're not here - your deadname brings me fear
maybe I'm not here - and maybe that's for the best
maybe you're not here - maybe I'm not clear
maybe I'm not here - and you feel the same
maybe you're not here - the mile marker is near
maybe I'm not here - I'll count them out in jest.

Maybe I'm not here! (x12)
I am never here! (x4)

I'm gonna fall out of love with you
it was decided long ago.
Track Name: Contemplation on the Steps of an All-Night Diner
At the end of my life
I find that it's all my fault
but I refuse to regret.

When I approach your window
with a grin on my face
and I'm wondering if you can make it okay.

When they can't hear our screams
they might kill us with
our guns, our knives.

When I approach your window
don't you know that it means nothing
when I approach your window
it's all the same.

I want to see you
and to believe you
but nothing can stay the same
I want you to know me
so you can show me
that this punishment is only a game.

When I approach your window
with a grin on my face
and I'm wondering if you can make it okay.

When I approach your daughters
I want you to know
that you just won't know.

After all, we all are your lord
when I approach your window
it's all the same, it's all the same.

I want to see you
and to believe you
but nothing matters to me
I want you to know how
everyone knows how
nothing matters to me.

It's all the same
it's all the same
asshole.

At the end of my life
I find that it's all my fault
at the end of my life
it's all the same to everyone.

It's all the same
it's all the same
it's all the same.
Track Name: High Tide (1. The Sun; 2. Never Lovers)
(the sun, 0:00)

I have no plans on this rock of mine
I have no hunger, I have no pain
there is no way to see spring again.

I have no way to tell the time
I never wonder, I never shout
otherwise, they’ll walk about.

The rafts never float back, it comes back around
I have a deep loathing towards the rest of this town
but you’re something special, all logic is defied
I’ll let you live, I’ll let you survive.

We’re not special after all
we’re superficial and against the wall
the boat is sinking, water is filling in
I worry about it when the gaps are closing.

I have no plan to get out of here
the world is beautiful and I am dying
its beauty comes out when I go in hiding
I have no way to show fear.

The storm is approaching
and I don’t even care
I’ll wave my arms and wake up
with lightning striking my hair
let the thunder roll on
let the storm roll on
I’ll ride it to the end
I’ll ride it to the very end.

We were never friends
we were never lovers.

We were never friends
we were never lovers
we were never swimmers
I could need another. (x4)

Your logic is impeccable, your ignorance moreso
you can shout it as much as you’d like, it won’t change
your frequent dives only prove my point when I’m drowning
because I feel like you see this as a game
aw... ah! fuck!
we were never gonna need another
ignorance moreso
you can shout it, shout it
dive into the ocean
we're gonna need another.

Well the sun turned off
and the moon came out that night
and it was very bright and it flew like a kite
the air was biting and cool
and the ribbon around us red
and nothing had to be said
and nothing had to be be dead.

I miss the sun
but it's time I move on
unfortunately
all things burn bright before dawn.

(never lovers, 4:51)

We were never friends
we were never lovers
we were never swimmers
I might/could need another. (x16)

Your logic is impeccable, your ignorance moreso
you can shout it as much as you’d like, it won’t change
your frequent dives only prove my point when I’m drowning
because I feel like you see this as a game.

Friends are not lovers
friends don't make good lovers
friends don't make good friends don't make good lovers.

We were never friends
we were never lovers.
Track Name: The Drunk with the Mercedes
I remember the first time I climbed the hill
I was seven years old and
discovered the grave near the
elementary school playground
it didn't like me but still
I tried to communicate with it
and received backhanded compliments
courtesy of the teacher telling me:

"Don't you go around talking
to elementary school graves
don't you know that someone your age
dies every day
why don't you go back to the swings
or play with the other kids"
so I listened closely
and I can't remember what I did.

You're just like the hill
you're just like the grave
I looked to you for answers
and you couldn't save me
save me again
I've misbehaved but I don't
consider you my friend.

Remember the time
I got you roses
no you don't
because we weren't close like that
remember the time
that I mapped the journey
you do
it was four hours too long for you.

Remember the time
we had a struggle
how could you not
it was every day in the jungle
oh don't you lie to me
I do not understand
why you want to
block away those thoughts.

You're just like the hill
you're just like the grave
I looked to you for answers
but you couldn't save me
save me again
I've misbehaved but I don't
consider you my friend.


You're just like the hill
you're just like the grave
I looked to you for answers
but you couldn't save me
save me again
I've misbehaved but I don't
consider you my friend.

You're just like the hill
you're just like the grave
I looked to you for answers
but you couldn't save me
save me again
I've misbehaved but I don't
consider you my friend.

I've misbehaved
save me again
I've misbehaved but I don't
consider you my friend.

Save me
save me again
I've misbehaved but I don't
consider you my friend.

So are you my friend
you call me a brother
even though we're less close than your mother
are you my friend
is there an end
Track Name: Bubblegum Pop Diet
I don't wanna go outside
I don't wanna have to exercise
I got no upper body security
I got no upper body security.

I feel like it'll edge me to death
until there is none of me left
cause I got no upper body security
I got no upper body security.

I wish that I could be high
but at the same time I'd have to eat
by the time I come down again
I'll have had way too much meat.

The people around aren't pleased
but it's better than being at ease
when I got no upper body security
I got no upper body security.

There's a time when I want
to make you smile at me
but till then I can't eat too much
my stomach growling for weeks
I feel too weak.
Track Name: Sunset
(the fling, 0:00)

I don't wanna take my time with you
my mom is shaking as I sleep
and before I know it I'll have just weeks
left to make a single difference, difference.

I don't wanna see the sunrise
the world is sinking to its slick soggy demise
don't you know that it ain't alright
promise me you'll finally make a difference, difference.

Promise me a difference
I need some strength, I need some strength
I need some strength to keep my head above the grave
give me a sign I need some strength
going at it all wrong today.

(the following morning, 3:02)

And the difference to the lord
was that man could hurt a fly
but to me it was no matter
only conquerors mean to try
I'm sorry what I said to you
it was stupid and I'm sorry
I didn't mean to cause you pain
I didn't mean to act like I wasn't anything
so if you see me in the square
you'll know I wasn't wearing my hair
so if you see me sharing drinks with deities
it won't make a difference to me.

And the difference to the lord
was that man could hurt a fly
but to me it was no matter
only conquerors mean to try
and the difference to me and you
was that I didn't mean to hurt a fly
I guess that's just what happens
when you say you'd rather die.

And the difference to the lord (and as you're begging for my number)
was that man could hurt a fly (just don't bother)
but to me it was no matter (you can have my jacket)
only conquerors mean to try. (it was nothing to me it was nothing to you)
(say it ain't so when you pick up the phone)
(cause no one wanted this to end like this)
(say it ain't so when I call your phone)
(maybe this is why we shouldn't have had this)
(and it wasn't half bad)
(but we had no need for fun)
(in the morning we'll pretend to be sad)
(it doesn't have to end like this)
Track Name: Twin Fawns on a Desert Strip
Twin fawns on a desert strip
molded by climate change
one says, "do you think someday
we'll ever get free range?"
the other just sighs and goes
back to cacti left by us
they go on acting like mutes
and sleep in a dilapidated bus
they have broken their trust.

The fawn from before sleepwalks
and eats bugs off the floor
even with nineteen hours of daylight
it hurts to open eyes and doors
he looks for the boy once more
the taste staying bitter on his tongue
that sheep-skinned coward left
one out of two have now gone
let's say goodbye to the fawn.

Good riddance to the ones we love
for they last as long as we think they should
the ecosystem is your wrinkled bride
with all the scars and cracks that it must hide.

We slip seed into sand pockets
hoping the mess is enough
but the plants will follow the fawns
I guess we'll have to adjust
binging on reality TV isn't fun
once reality sinks in
to the fawn, it's just folly
and that's our only difference
for the fawn knows when it has sinned.

Good riddance to the ones we love
for they last as long as we think they should
the ecosystem is your wrinkled bride
with all the scars and cracks that it must hide.

Eventually, the desert is molded
into a wasteland of ice and smoke
the fawn, mostly forgotten
only known as one of nature's jokes
a comet sweeps by to mark decades
until one hits the earth
its insemination of carbon
dictates the progress toward birth
the globe cools and realizes its worth.

And maybe when time arrives
years will pass and wars will kill
the modified livestock will
meet their makers, grinding in mills
and as the bombs force us in the bunker
and the radio is unable to say goodnight
I'll think about you, huddled in a safe grave
and for the last time I'll think to myself
"everything's alright."
Track Name: White Water Rapids
The Vivian girls are dead and gone
but they never meant much to me
I found love in contemporary times
when you were the only film to see
it's troubling to consider me pink
when the shoes gaze back at me
mirrors on my wrists will tell me
which of the girls to meet next week.

I found myself basking in the glow
of a microphone on a totem pole
with you at the top and me somewhere else
it took me a while to accept death's hold.

My reflection returns the glow
but my rejection can't take the pain
I find myself, in the mid of Loch Raven
with the canoes all looking the same
and the feelings return for revenge
but I had given up miles ago
the lights of Chicago die down
while the metro station is down below.

I found myself basking in the glow
of a microphone on a totem pole
with you at the top and me somewhere else
it took me a while to accept death's hold.

Stoop kid's afraid to leave his stoop.
Track Name: Lord and Shepherd
Long jeans, short hair
dead nook, don't care
she walks right in
in some disaffected state
my god, she took the bait.

Don't care, don't nod
don't look for God
he shall come to you
and explain he's an old man
only knows what he can.

And this is the part where you hunt for pleasure
you're so tongue-tied and I'm a dog for treasure
maybe I should become a sinful leopard
what's inside my chest, save me lord and shepherd.

Pure dread, pure fear
no sheep, no shears
they wouldn't hear you
before you come along trips
know where the path dips.

Pure want, pure need
no sleep, done deed
a sin without a goal
sinners we have got to change
what is this rifle's range?

And this is the part where you hunt for treasure
I'm so tongue-tied and I'm a dog for pleasure
maybe I should become a sinful leopard
what's inside my chest, save me lord and shepherd.